It is so frustrating. I have chemo brain. No, that doesn’t mean I have brain cancer; it is an annoying side effect from chemotherapy. Those who have had to endure chemo know about chemo brain when the general public is blissfully ignorant. It is a mental fog that makes it difficult to multi-task, makes concentrating difficult, causes trouble remembering names, dates and other events, causes trouble remembering common words, and makes everything take longer to accomplish as processing thoughts can be a challenge. I call this getting stuck in a thought and unable to process things happening around me. If I am in the middle of doing something and I am asked a question, I can get stuck and unable to answer as my mental processor limps along, looking for words in amongst the fog. It is SO annoying!
Last week I left a gas burner on my stove burning all day — twice! If I am distracted, I forget what I am doing, and often I never get back to finish. Did I say that chemo brain is annoying? I have asked my husband to please help me by checking what I do. In this state, I cannot be trusted to be normal.
Right now I am a week away from my next chemotherapy treatment,and I am giving more thought to my to do list. This is the time that I generally feel better, just in time to have my system knocked down again. Today I worked on articles for the DVD project that I am producing. How does ministry work get along with chemo brain? Normally nothing goes well with chemo brain, but God is able to receive the glory even when we are at our weakest. I really relate to Paul:
2 Corinthians 12:10 (NASB) Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
I believe that God allows us to be weak, so that we can bring to remembrance how much we really need Him. It is easy to fall into the trap of relying on our own ability, rather than the strength that He gives.
Psalm 18:1–2 (NASB) 1 “I love You, O LORD, my strength.” 2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
He is my strength and my stronghold. Today I saw that come to life before my eyes. My research and writing was some of the best that I have done in a long time, in spite of my chemo brain. God brought things to my remembrance and He dropped things in my lap that I would never have found on my own. Praise the Lord!
He truly has my chemo brain in His hands.