Sometimes Love Hurts

Have you ever experienced the pain brought about by love? This past week I was reminded that love sometimes hurts.

Time for my husband’s treatment

On Monday Richard’s doctor let us know that Richard’s cancer has grown and expanded into his blood system. Richard’s platelets and red blood cells are down, and this is a sure sign that the lymphoma in his bone marrow is starting to take over. It is time to knock the cancer back. He will start chemotherapy at the beginning of January 2017. It is one thing for me to have personally walked the pathway of harsh cancer treatments, but it isn’t as easy for me to see someone I love start this process. I love Richard with all of my heart. I do not want to see him harmed and living without him would be unfathomable.

It isn’t that I don’t trust God. I trust Him implicitly. I know that we are not alone. In fact, I know that Jesus is in 0ur boat, like He was with the disciples in the midst of their storm, and He is asleep…not because He doesn’t care, but because He is in control. He is at rest, and He is not fearful. I know that He is the Master of the winds and the waves and He stills the storms. He is the Author of peace and He gives that peace to us. We are at peace. But my heart still hurts for my best friend, my husband.

Time for me to be strong

It is now time for me to take care of the one who has always been there for me. It is time for me to be a caregiver and to take on responsibilities that have never before been on my plate. I knew that he would likely be needing chemotherapy sometime in 2017, but I wasn’t quite prepared for it to be this soon. My heart hurts for him.

At the same time I am experiencing hope and expectation. The chemotherapy can put Richard into remission for many years, the Lord willing. What he will go through now is worth it to have years added to our journey together. I know what this journey is like. I went through a very difficult time during my own cancer journey. In January 2017, it will be three years since I had my final chemotherapy infusion and I am doing well and I am alive. Jesus is the One who gives us hope when the path is difficult. Jesus, is our hope for eternity. There is no better person for us to place our confidence in Him.

What is Great Faith?

If you are going through hard times, lift up your head and see your hope that lives in Jesus. He has not promised that we would be without hard times in this life. However, He has promised to walk with us and to be there when we call upon Him. When the disciples were in the boat with Jesus and they were so afraid because of the wind and the waves that were drenching the boat with the angry waves and threatening to end their lives, they thought that Jesus must not care about them because He was asleep. Jesus used this as an opportunity to teach His disciples a real lesson about faith. They had so little faith and their almost non-existent faith showed up in their fear. But Jesus was completely different. He was peaceful and He modeled for His disciples what GREAT faith looks like. Great faith is being asleep in peace in the midst of the storm.

I pray for a renewed GREAT faith as I trust my dear husband into the hands of Jesus. Jesus loves Richard more than I do, because He is Richard’s Lord and Saviour. Me? I am at peace…even in this time when love hurts.