There are times that I am seeing life by looking at the edges rather than the whole. For example, rather than concentrate on the realty of cancer, and the daily fatigue, I am grateful that today I can walk. That is a precious gift. On Monday and Tuesday of this week my legs were so weak, I was shuffling, rather than walking. The nurse at the hospital told me that with the chemo-related leg weakness, I will need to hold on to stair railings and to be extra careful not to fall. Should I fall and break a leg, my treatment would be delayed until I healed. That would be bad news. So rather than expecting complete wholeness, I can be grateful for little things, like strength in my legs and the ability to walk. But I am also learning that there are spiritual edges to pay attention to. Not the whole picture, but what is highlighted for today.
I have been reading through the Bible chronologically and I am working my way through the book of Isaiah interspersed with sections of the book of Kings. What pops out to me is the amount of trouble that is consistent in the life of God’s people. There would be peace for awhile and then God’s enemies would swoop into the land and threaten the people. Often the trouble is because of the people’s sin, but there are times that there is a godly king and the trouble bubbles up anyway. These times of trouble are an opportunity for God’s people to call on Him as their source and trust on his strength rather than an ally or horses and chariots. It seems like trouble is always there and within the trouble is an opportunity to meditate on the edges lit up in the darkness rather than the whole. What I see as a highlighted edge today, is that God responds that He is a God of comfort. Comfort is something that you experience while you are going through the trouble, not just when the trouble is gone. It is an edge that is lit up in the darkness of the trouble. It isn’t easily seen in the bright sunlight, but is experienced in the dark night of the soul.
I still have much suffering to go through with the remaining chemotherapy treatments and then radiation and surgery. With the kind and grade of cancer I have, statistics say that I have a 41% chance of being alive in 5 years. 5 years is the magic number where you are considered cured. During my time of going for the cure, I will be given an opportunity to experience the edges of life and to see things that I would not have appreciated within the light of full health. I want to be reminded daily that it is not about the entire picture as I suffer, but I need to focus on the light shone on the edges. I want to see and experience God’s comfort through the trial. Comfort is a part of who God is and how He relates to His creation. Experiencing comfort is a gift that flows in during the dark times if we will look for it. Comfort is the lit edge of the trial and it is a promise that although the struggle and pain is real, God has promised to work out all things out for the good for those who love God and are called for His purpose.
I have a ministry and a calling to write on hard passages of Scripture. I have already written and produced projects that have gone around the world and helped many to be set free. There is so much more that God has given me that I want to get out in writing. I pray that God will give me the patience during the many times that I do not have the strength or ability to research and write so that I can still experience the edges of His goodness to me. I truly do not want to complain or feel sorry for myself, but to take time to learn the things of God that are revealed as lit edges in the dark. Today I accept God’s clear edge of comfort that has been revealed. I will meditate on it, receive it and pass it on.